A New Beginning
There could not have been a better relationship to start a blog to try to understand the creatures that are women then my newest quest. Just for background, I just finished a relationship with an insane head case that destroyed my house while she was getting her stuff out, for no reason. There are two sides to every story, but I am telling you, without hesitation, that I did nothing to invoke a mental breakdown in this chick. She was 23, a single mom, I supported her and her daughter, she didn't have to work, new house in the suburbs, never cleaned, never cooked. For the last few weeks we were together, she sat in front of her computer and downloaded music 24-7, stayed up all night, when her 2 year old daughter woke up in the morning, she would give her a bag of chips, crash on the couch and let her run around the house while she snoozed on the couch.
That "situation" is over now, and as always, life now has a much brighter outlook. Meet Katie (names have been changed to protect the innocent), another single mom, gainfully employed, seemingly completely and absolutely sane. What should be a normal courtship is made a little more interesting by the fact that Katie formerly dated a friend of mine, a friend who happens to be my current roommate. As a caveat to that, he broke up with her for his "lifelong love" (another chick that was putting out).
The courtship of Katie started innocently enough. We knew each other from when she dated my roommate and were chitchatting outside on the break pad at work one day. A mutual friend was moving and Katie mentioned that [she] would no longer have anyone to take breaks with now. I volunteered, still unaware that she was offering an opportunity to court her, or that I had any real intentions of doing so. After a couple of breaks together, I mentioned some of her timid flirting to her boss' boss (a female), who is a coworker of mine. I was told that there was definitely interest on Katie's part and began to ponder the thought of going out with her, or more. To set the record straight, Katie is beautiful. The kind of beautiful that makes my roommate question himself every time he sees her. He definitely traded down, for the benefits. We had lunch a few days after the first encounter, and talked about the fact that she was now involved in a dead end relationship and wanted out, but didn't want anyone to get hurt. As of now, that relationship is still smoldering, but my source (her boss' boss) tells me that she likes me and is very interested in perusing a relationship as soon as she finds the right moment to end it with Mr. Dead-end. We are now almost up to date, and after I tell you that I sent her a dozen roses today with the message Just 'cause and she responded well, we are officially real-time from here on.
STRATEGY
OK, I am confident that she is aware I am interested, and the roses might have been a little over the top less than a week since we started talking. So, I am going to let her be the aggressor. Obviously I am not an unbiased third party when it comes to how to get rid of Mr. Dead-end, so I will continue to make myself readily available to her, but I am not going to suggest we go to the next level until she gives me some indication that she is ready.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
A Roller Coaster Ride...and How to Fuck a Chicken
Today was a wash... I failed miserably at my strategy of letting her be the aggressor, but the end result was a definitive "I am interested in you". Early in the day she made an off the cuff remark about changing her brakes this weekend. She does not strike me as someone with the Midas Touch, so I asked if she had ever changed her brakes before. She clarified that Mr Dead-End was going to do the brake changing. Having only received third party information from other people about the status of her and Mr Dead-end, I decided to abandon my strategy and find out what the deal is. The answer was a not exactly what I wanted to hear, but did leave some room for optimism. "We are still together, but we have been having more fights more often".
This is too much like work!
DISCLAIMER - I DID NOT WRITE THIS, AND IN FACT HAD NEVER EVEN PONDERED THE IDEA THAT ANYONE WOULD THINK ABOUT FUCKING A CHICKEN, LET ALONE WRITE DIRECTIONS FOR DOING SO.
1.) Like any woman, a chicken needs to be in a relaxed and receptive mood before you can successfully have sex with it. If you do not make sure of this, you will end up covered in scratches and peck marks in locations that will be hard to explain. Gently pick the chicken up in both hands and stroke it slowly, so that it becomes accustomed to sitting in your hand. Making soft clucking noises is also a good seduction tip.
2.) Get your penis nice and lubricated, and place the head at the entry of the chicken butt. I'm calling it a butt, but it acts as a vagina, an anus, and a urethra all in one (actually, chickens only have one form of elimination). You need to be erect when you do this, because otherwise, it will be hard to enter your new girlfriend.
3.)Slowly push your penis inside the chicken. You should have one hand on the neck of the bird, just below the head, so that it cannot peck you. The other hand may need to hold the feet to prevent scratching. Try to keep the bird as calm as you can as you do this.
4.) If a chicken butt can accomodate a Grade AAA egg, it can expand to fit your dick, albeit somewhat tightly. However, the butt is not all that deep, and you will hit bottom fairly quickly. Don't try and push the limits here, just be glad that you're getting some.
5.)If you want, you can wait for your chicken to calm down. However, you're never going to get much play from the bird either way, so you might as well go ahead and fuck it. Use short, gentle strokes.
6.) OPTIONAL STEP: If you have plenty of chickens, or if you are hungry, or if it's just come time to break up with your chicken, then you can make your last night a memorable one by slitting the bird's throat at the moment of your orgasm. This will cause some strong twitching that can add some spice to your experience.
Friday, March 25, 2005
A Day to Remember
Last night, after leaving work, I received an email from Katie that read...
"Well, I guess I am leaving before you get back from the store, so I will talk to you in the morning or whenever I drag my ass to work" 8XX-XXXX
The drag my ass to work comment was from a conversation earlier in the day. The phone number was the most promising thing about this relationship yet. Maybe my theory about letting her be the aggressor is working. I called her about 9:30 and we talked for a few minutes before she asked if she could call me back. I said sure and carried on. When she called back we talked for about 3 hours until somewhere around 12:45. Nothing serious, just chitchat about trivial things. Nothing to lead me to believe that I am wasting my time, and nothing to lead me to believe anything was going to come to fruition. But, we did talk for a long time and both seemed to enjoy the conversation.
This morning at work, I didn't see her until lunch because I have conference calls all morning on Fridays. She seemed a bit more personal at lunch, but still fairly distant when it comes to physical contact. No fleeting brushes against me in passing or lingering touches on the shoulder, etc. I walked with her back to her desk and she said something that I realized she said every day after lunch. "Let me know before you leave". I know it sounds simple enough, but my overly analytical mind did cartwheels trying to figure out what it meant. I stopped by her work area on my way out and told her I was leaving. She showed me a few humorous emails that she had receieved and I left. We traded a few light-hearted emails after I left, but nothing substantial.
I wish she would be a little more overtly obvious about what she wants, but pushing her to be so would fly directly in the face of my strategy of letting her be the aggressor...
Saturday, March 26, 2005
WTF?
Well, just when I thought everything was falling into place, I am reminded she is a woman. No answer on her cell phone, left a message, haven't heard from her. Last contact was an insignificant email I got at home telling me that she was bored and wanted to go home. I replied with an escape plan for her, but got no response. ?????
I am getting ready to go play poker at Hard Rock in Tampa with some friends. Mr Dead-end is supposed to change her brakes today. With any luck, he'll kick the jack while under the car and decapitate himself. I hate to be that vindictive, but I have started to question her resolve to get rid of Mr Dead-end. Understanding that I am an impatient bastard, and believing she is worth the wait, I will have to resign myself to riding out the storm. [sigh]
Monday, March 28, 2005
Sometimes Nothing is a Pretty Good Hand
I didn't talk to Katie Friday night, and Saturday we played phone tag a few times, but never got to talk of each other. By the evening Sunday, I was beginning to think that her silence might mean more than just she had a busy weekend. Late Sunday night, however, she called and confirmed she had an incredibly busy weekend. She also railed against her ex-husband and, even more importantly, never mentioned and type of solice from Mr. Dead End. It was late and we were both tired, so the conversation was short, but did more to convince me that Mr Dead-End was just that and a little patience on my side will be rewarded.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
One small step for Dan...
Crazy. At this point, most people would start asking themselves if this girl is going to be worth waiting for. Let me assure you that she is indeed worth waiting however long it takes to work out. In fact, if you are single, you should take a number in case it doesn't work out between us.
Her Outlook is still broken at work, so our means of communication has been her friend's email (she sits next to her). This friend, henceforth known as Dawn Wickenford, she gets a last name because she really does have an odd last name and I would much rather call her by her odd last name than her first name. I was given exclusive rights to call her Wickenford (even though she admitted crying when she had to take that name). Wickenford, for whatever reason, has decided that Katie would be better off with me than with Mr Dead-End.
Phone conversaiton tonight went well. Life is good!
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
What's the word?
OK, no big changes today. We had lunch, I saw her at lunch, on breaks and talked to her tonight when she called. We talked for about two hours and all seemed well. After the call, though, it dawned on me that if someone asked her who she was seeing, or talking to, or whatever, I have no idea if she would say me, Mr Dead-End or both. I'm not sure that simply waiting it out is the way to get the right answer from her for that question, only I'm not real sure what to do to get any closer to getting the right answer...
Friday, April 01, 2005
Know when to fold 'em
Ask any pro poker player and they will tell you that the most common mistake is playing too many hands. The best players in the world play 30-35% of their hands. All too often Fish sit at a table and make a play based on their gut and not their brain. That will get you to the felt faster than a heads up match with Johnny Chan.
I can not think of a better analogy than that to explain where I am now with Katie. My brain knows that after several weeks with no indication she is planning on doing away with Mr Dead-End, the safe play is to lay this hand down. But, like all of the unsuspecting Fish who make the wrong play and then blame luck, my gut can only think about the payoff if my card comes. Call it the Nut Flush draw with one to come against the top set. I have 9 outs, the other 37 cards give the hand to the top set, but I won't let myself believe I can lose....
Let me catch you up. The last few days have brought more of the same. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy every second I spend with Katie in person or on the phone. BUT... I as I stated earlier, Mr Dead-End is still around. As I type this I have no idea what to do.
Time will tell...
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Operation: Stand Down
OK, Katie called before we got home from the casino last night, but I didn't call back when I got home. My new strategy is to wait and see if she is going to be the pursuer instead of the pursuee. If she won't come out and tell me that she wants to get rid of Mr Dead-end, then maybe I can tell from her actions if I stop being the first to act all the time. Those of you who have followed this blog at all remember me claiming this to be the strategy about 10 posts ago. It was, and I failed miserably at it. I have a tough time accepting that my fate is the hands of another, in any scenario, unfortunately in this one, it has to be. That is probably the reason why I am 30, single and rapidly approaching, if not exceeding the century mark(100 to those of you from Rio Linde) in terms of number of relationships, with this 2 week forray with Katie being in the top 20 in terms of length.
To make things more interesting, or tormenting, as it may be, God has decided to sprinkle skeletons from my closet around me with amazing frequency lately. I have run into in some way 4 women from my past that although it didn't work out, it didn't end on bad terms. Any of these could probably become something. There is Annie, a coworker, who if I don't get with will remain one of my closest friends forever, probably, she just broke up with a guy that has basically just been following her around for about a year. Nikki, who I have known for years, but has an inordinate amount of baggage, and is probably still emotionally unsound (makes for one helluva weekend guest). Nikki 2, who I receive messages from every now and then from her asking about me and requesting a call. (She is a little older, very friendly and nice, but not who I see myself sitting on a porch in a rocking chair with in 2040) Lucy, who is; too young, too clueless and too skinny (but again, would make for one helluva weekend).
It is awfully tempting to call on any of these ladies, but I would never forgive myself for doing that to Katie, and I would agonize over what might've been all for a weekend of fun. As for now, we haven't talked since Friday night after midnight.
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
Monday, April 04, 2005
The Final Chapter
This could be the final post to this thread. While I was in Tampa Saturday, Katie was in Daytona with Mr Dead-End. I decided this morning that Katie knows who I am and what I want, what she does with that is up to her. I am not going to actively pursue her any more. If she comes to me, then game on, but that is how it will have to be.
If it so happens that this is the final chapter to this story, I am left with one preponderant lesson learned...
DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHO IS NOT ABSOLUTELY, WITHOUT A DOUBT, UNEQUIVOCALLY UNINVOLVED WITH ANYONE ELSE.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
An Amazing Comeback
Patience is a virtue, For everything there is a season, A time for war and a time for peace.... Choose your "patience" cliché and it applies here... After several weeks of more of the same, planetary alignment, fate, destiny, dumb luck or something changed the face of this blog drastically...
A few days ago, she came to work visibly shaken and upset. We (Wickenford and I) learned later that Mr Dead-End had told her he didn’t want to be with her. What she said to him afterwards, I don’t know, but I am happier than a Cuban Immigrant who just spent 6 weeks in the bilge of a oil tanker traversing the Caribbean to get here and make half of minimum wage picking oranges for a living.
A few days ago, after work, I couldn’t take it anymore and kissed her on the cheek as we left work. She didn’t hit me, so it did not suck at all.
After some encouragement yesterday from Wickenford, I attempted the same thing again. Only, she didn’t tilt her head to accept and just before our lips touched due to her inaction, she pulled back, I kissed her anyway, not on the cheek and we both apologized and laughed. It was as smooth as Extra Crunchy Jif Peanut Butter… but it worked and she reciprocated the kiss, so all is well.
Today brought a brave new world including hand holding and a knowing wink almost whenever we made eye contact. My Adolescent Relationship Naming Convention is way out of date, so I am not sure what the proper nomenclature for our relationship status is, but I have been walking on air all day.
Friday, May 06, 2005
The Real Beginning
We are officailly and undeniably together now. The only thing that scares me is the fact that her ex broke up with her. Had she written him off, I wouldn't be apprehenisive at all. Don't get me wrong, I am not on pins and needles by any means, but the thought everything fell together too perfectly and there must be something wrong lingers ever so slightly in the back of my mind.
Enough of the ney-saying. At face value, things could not be more picture perfect right now. We are taking her son to the doctor today, I am joining her for the sole reason of being with her, in whatever capacity. I have not yet been able to nail down plans for the weekend. She is not sure if she will have her son, and seems a little timid about committing to plans.
My toughest challenge now is going to be NOT smothering her, because honestly, right now, I want to spend every waken minute with her... This might prove an even more challlenging task than waiting for months to get the opportunity to be with her.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY
Monday, May 09, 2005
The Perfect Weekend
We were supposed to go to St Augustine and spend the majority of the weekend walking on the beach in the moonlight or snuggled up in a hotel room. That didn't pan out. Between her son's dad being non-committal about watching him this weekend, her cough and her son's cough and congestion, we decided to instead spend the entire weekend laying around the house. And, we did. All day Saturday, we laid on the couch just being happy holding each other. All day Sunday, we did pretty much the same. I was content to go on this way for a few weeks, so I asked several times if she was sure she didn't want to do anything, but apparently she was just as content as I was. After Friday and Saturday night, my bed has never felt bigger or lonelier than it did after she left Sunday evening.
As crazy as it seems, after only a couple months, I can not help but ask myself, "Is she the one?"
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Signals, Signals, Signals
"Jane Smiley said, "In my experience, there is only one motivation, and that is desire. No reasons or principles contain it or stand against it."
That really has nothing to do with the topic of this update, but it is a really cool quote that I felt compelled to share.
There is no relationship more destined to fail that that of two people not equally committed to a relationship. "Lop-sided" relatinships will always end up with one party giving and giving and giving and one party taking and taking and taking. I have been on both ends of this type of relationship and I can tell you emphatically that it sucks way more to be the person giving and giving and giving and not getting anything in return. My relationship with Katie turning into this type of situation scares the shit out of me. There is no reason for me to believe this, Katie has done nothing to make me believe we are destined for that fate, but the fact that it could happen still lingers in the back of my mind (once bitten, twice shy).
On a much more positive note, everything seems to be falling into place. With each passing day, I feel more and more secure about "us". She and I both are sick and mostly just want to lay down and take a nap, so conversation has been minimal during breaks, lunches and on the phone at night. Like a 6 year old on Christmas morning, I can not wait to see what this weekend holds in store.
May not be suitable for Sunday Morning Viewers!
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Those Three Words
At some point, every relationship evolves to the point that one person involved has to be the first to say those three words. Without getting into a philosophical debate about what "I love you" really means, I can tell you that I have almost slipped and said it to Katie several times. Even at night when we are going to bed and getting ready to hang up the phone, there is an awkward silence in between "Good night" and "Bye" that would seemingly house "those three words" perfectly. For a few seconds each night, we unconsciously pause to see if the other person is the first to chance saying it. The trouble is, there is nothing gained by saying it really, at this point it should be blatently obvious how you feel about each other, but there is the possibility of saying it and the feeling not being recipricated or scaring the shit out of the other person. I think I will feel it out for a little while before being the first to offer to fall on my sword.
In all honesty, of the 35-40 women I have been with, I only said "those three words" to 3 of them. OK, I only said "those three words" and meant it to 3 of them. I won't pretend that I haven't used that phrase as an aphrodisiac before...So sue me. The important thing is that Katie will soon be the fourth, and with any luck, the last girlfriend to ever hear them from me.
On a lighter note...
A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house. The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
Thursday, May 12, 2005
This just might work!!!
Well, some might say that it is a bit soon to tell, and they would probably be right, but I am sold. Already I am starting to think about the future in terms of she and I and not just me. That is the easy part...she really is remarkable and most guys would probably feel the same way. The hard part is making her feel the same way.
Just to update you...that uncomfortable silence between "Good night" and "Goodbye" still remains.
We are supposed to go see my parents this weekend. I have given her every opportunity to say she wants to go do something, but she seems content to just hang out wherever. If I offer a suggestion, she won't commit because of her son's dad not communicating his intentions about watching his son for the weekend. Katie seems to think that he does it intentionally just to keep her from being able to do anything. It is fairly obvious that her last two boyfriends still harbor amorous feelings towards her (who can blame them). I just hope she continues to NOT want anything to do with them.
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of encyclopaedia Britannica.
45 Volumes. Excellent condition.
$1000 or best offer.
Reason for sale:- No longer required.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows F**king everything.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Ups and Downs
This past weekend started off great. We agreed she was going to stay the entire weekend again. We went to my grandmother's house on Sunday and went swimming with my son, Katie and her son and her brother, henceforth known as Pete. I met her parents, they seemed very normal. Throughout the weekend, however, I really started to worry about her baby's daddy. He calls all the time, seems to concern himself with more than what a partner in child only should. Don't get me wrong, I don't think Katie has any intention of getting back together with him, but the fact that she allows him to stay so involved with her life, not just the baby's, scares the hell out of me. But, just when I am about ready to say somehting, she smiles at me and my world apins around a few times and I forget all about him.
The night before last we were sitting on the couch watching something on TV when she pulled me over so that I was laying almost on her. She kissed me and we both kind of smiled. I had already decided that instead of actually saying "those three words" first to her, that I was going to send her a dozen roses, from different florists, on hte same day. The cards having one word each on them....one that says "I", one that says "Love" and one that says "You". About the time we collapsed on the couch as I was thinking about my plan with the flowers, and before I could even stop myself, I said it. "Katie, I love you". She replied with an absolute stone cold stare and not a single verbal response. For about 30 seconds, nobody said a word, then she muttered, "Are you sure"? "Without a doubt" was the best I could do while I caught my breath.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
A Realization
I woke up yesterday morning and realized..."I'm over it". No, not Katie, I'm talking about the whole insecurity about her baby's daddy thing. I just realized I haven't given him a name yet, so from hence forth, he will be known as The Pain in the Ass. I have spent so much time worrying about what could happen, that I am not sure I have taken the time to fully appreciate what has happened. I'm over it.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
All right, STOP! ... Think about it!
Everyonce in a while, it pays dividends to stop and take note of the situation. 3 months ago or so, I started talking to Katie on breaks and lunches. About a month ago, I gave up on the situation ever growing to anything more than acquaintences. Even my double agent, Katie's friend, Wickenford, told me she thought I was wasting my time. Then, about the time I was starting to forget I had entertained thoughts of going out with Katie, she breaks up with her boyfriend and everything falls into place. Originally, I was a little insecure about her ex, Mr Dead-End, but it turned out to be her baby's daddy that really scared me. This whole time, while I was planning our future and worrying about the pain n the ass messing everything up, Katie was just enjoying "us". It took a night of absolutely no real sleep to figure this out. About that time, I told her that I loved her and she just stared at me. Undeterred, I am forging on and kind of relieved that she has the fortitude to not say it back, just because I said it. But, being human, and all, I really wish she would say it. I mean, I would rather her act like it then say it, and she has done that.
What's next? So, we continue seeing each other for however long, and at some point the topic of living together comes up. I am not diametrically opposed to living together before marriage, or against it, but considering our current arrangements, it seems that it will make sense before too long. Honestly, I wish we could do it tomorrow. I know she is stressed out at her place and mine is not all that comfortable.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Deliberation
In an earlier blog, I mentioned that the worst type of relationship to be involved with was one where one person is a lot more "into" the relationship than the other person. That might have been an overstatement. That type of relationship probably isn't as bad as say a pimp and a crackwhore, but it isn't gravy either. I have tried to deal with the baby's daddy situation. The harder I try to ignore it, the more prominent it becomes. It is fueled by the fact that Katie is an extreme non-confrontationalist and avoids conflict at all cost. To the point our communication level is horrible. I don't think either of us is really aware of what the other expects out of this relationship, or how committed the other person is to each other. I mention this because I started looking for an apartment this weekend and I am not sure if I should be looking for a loft or a 3 bedroom townhouse. I have been putting it off for a while, but I have to ask her if she is interested in getting a place soon. I think I have been afraid that her answer might indicate she is not nearly as involved in our future as I want to believe she is. That has to happen today, so I will update the blog at some point this afternoon with the result.
UPDATE!!!
Well, that sucked. I asked her about her thoughts about us and our future, to which she mostly just blushed, so I had to flat out ask her about getting a place together. Her response, while disheartening, was reasonable, I suppose. She says she wants to get a place of her own at some point, because she has gotten herself into situations repeatedly where she was with someone, moved in with them and then broke up and had to go back to her mom's. I can accept that, but I don't have to like it.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
The Realization
OK, I have mentioned several times that I thought I was going to have to make a really tough decision, or force Katie to make one... Well, the truth is I still have no idea what exactly she wants from us and if she has any plans on there even being an "us" 6 months or a year from now. But, there is nothing I can do about it now. I am perfectly content to set aside my theories about her and her baby's daddy and how she feels about me on the off chance that I am wrong and everything is going to work out fine.
Communication...
As a member of the sex not normally noted for wanting MORE communication, it is a bit awkward to find myself in a relationship that I don't think we communicate enough in. So, stealing from hte vast resources available on the topic via the internet... There are several primary reasons for a lack of communication in a relationship...
- Subject is not interested in furthering relationship by improving communication
- Subject does not know how to affectively communicate their desires
- Subject wants to further relationship, but not at the expense of confrontation
- Subject is not interested in aspects of relationship improved by affective communication
Obviously, all of those are bad things. And with any luck, our issue will turn out to be E) None of the Above, but the communication thing, or lack thereof, has really started to bother me. There was a time when I might have believed a relationship could flourish on sex and intimacy alone, but that was when I was 14, I know better now.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Devistation
Saturday morning, before leaving for Tampa, there was no way I could have thought that as I kissed a sleeping Katie on the cheek and left, that I would never see her asleep next to me again. That very well may be the case. It is difficult to type, but this blog may have reached a conclusion this weekend.
Saturday night, I didn't hear from Kaylee at all. The plan was for her to come over after we returned from Tampa and for her and her son and myself and my son to do something Sunday. I called four or five times and she never answered or returned my calls. Just on a whim, I tried from the landline at the house, because it had been a long time since I called her on that and I figured she wouldn't recognize the number. She answered. She was hanging out with a friend of hers and to make a long story short, I felt like she completely lied to me and tried to deceive me about everything that happened that night. When we got off the phone, I was content to let it die there. I don't want to be involved with anyone that is not going to be honest with me, and it appeared that Katie was not being honest on multiple levels. I didn't hear from her or talk to her until early Monday morning about 2:00 am whem she called on the verge of crying and obviously distraught. There was not much I could say until she tells me what happened, so the conversation ended with me asking her to go to sleep and we would talk about it tomorrow.
Tomorrow, as of yet, has not brought a great deal of light to the situation. I do not want to break up with her, but I don't want to move on unless we are also going to move forward... The ball is in her court now, nothing can really happen until we figure out what exactly she wants...
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Starting Over
In case the 3 months without an update were not enough of a clue, Katie is history. Oddly enough, I have recently found myself in a similar situation, friends with a girl(henceforth, Carrie) who is involved in a relationship with someone,(to be known as Sampson) but the relationship seems destined for futility. The fact that I am once again entertaining the thought of remaining available on the chance that she comes to her senses and breaks up with Sampson can only mean one thing... I am fucking retarded.
To further verify that sentiment, remember the insane head case from the original blog...mental breakdown? Well, she is back in the picture, and I am seriously entertaining the thought of avoiding the aggrevation of waiting on Carrie by going back to the head case. I know it may sound like I am playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded 12 guage double barrel shotgun, and yeah, I guess I am.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Redial
After the out of the blue phone call I received the other day, everyone I spoke with about it told me to let it go and Katie was most likely just trying to stroke her own ego by finding out if I still liked her. It was very difficult to do, but I resigned to believe that and try to forget about the call. Katie didn't cooperate, however, and called again today. She was about to go to work, so it wasn't another 3 hour conversation, but it was seemless. I am still left to ponder exactly what she is trying to achieve by calling, or by promisong another call after work. I waited for a couple of months last time for her to finish her relationship with guy, does she think there is a need to keep me warm in case current relationship doesn't pan out? I dispatched a friend that works with her to try and ascertain exactly what was going on, only this time not so much as to help me win her over, but to protect myself. My original double agent (Wickenford) is gone, so I had to rely on another mutual friend who owed me a favor. Andrea (new double agent) did confirm that Katie was not with her last conquest anymore. He told her that himself.
Anything and anyone sane in my life says walk away before you get in to deep. Katie is too young to want the same things I do, and no matter how hard I try to convince myself, I know damn well I can't be happy as an every now and then fling for her. Unfortunately, no matter how long the list of reasons to walk away gets, it doesn't offset the fact that I want to be with her more than I like to readily admit. But what the hell, people buy lottery tickets every day, millions of them, with odds of winning only slightly better than than the odds of flopping back to back royal flushes in Hold em. That is insanity. So, why do seemingly intelligent people spend real money on lottery tickets? Maybe it isn't for the odds of winning. Maybe it is for the ability to dream about what they would do with 34 million dollars for a few days until they lose the drawing.
Maybe that is why I am willing to risk my emotions on Katie...
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
The Proverbial Nibble
The second call from Katie tonight was interesting, and a little different then any other I have ever received from her. She was on her way home from work, so it could be explained away by the fact that her 3 year old doesn't offer stimulating conversation for her fairly lengthy drive home, or I guess it could have been an absolute indicator that she is interested and fishing for more than just phone buddies. I don't have definitive proof of either, but I suspect the first is much more likely. The sane mind would simply ask her what she wants, but that would ruin the whole reason for buying the lottery ticket, right?
Thursday, December 14, 2005
A Second First Encounter
Opportunity knocks only once, but tempatation leans on the doorbell...
Once bitten, twice shy...
Fool me once; Shame on you. Fool me twice; Shame on me.
[Insert second chance colloquialism here]
Well, at 10:15 sharp, on her way to her car after her exam, Katie called, right on schedule. After some small talk about the exam, I put it out there..."Where are you going now?"
Forgetting some of the minute details, she showed up about 15 minutes later. We had had a discussion about the movie Mr & Mrs Smith a couple of days ago, so I had it ready when she sat on the couch. For most of the movie, we talked, but she doesn't speak volumes with her body language. The difference between, "I just didn't feel like driving all the way home" and "Take me to bed now, please" is microscopic. So, somewhere around the time Angilina Jolie and Brad Pitt found out that they were competitors, I said Fuck it and put my arm around her.
What would have sucked? - Had she pulled away and crossed her arms.
What wouldn't have sucked? - Just about anything else.
What she actually did? - Didn't suck, but it was not the obvious plee for affection that I really wanted, so that is as far as it went. She already elicits about 4 of the 7 deadly sins out of me (Pride, Envy, Gluttony and Lust), so I should do what I can to avoid adding Avarice to the list. The good news is that I can count at least 5 of the 7 heavenly virtues (Faith, Hope, Charity, Fortitude and Temperence) that I have shown since I met her. Don't hold your breathe on Prudence, the ability to govern myself by use of reason seems to be completely vacant when it comes to her.
To molest a quote from Mary Worley Montagu: "Prudent people are very happy; 'tis an exceeding fine thing, that's certain, but [in the matter of Katie] I was born without it....
You buy your lottery tickets, and let me buy mine.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
The verdict is in
It sucked.
